I’m a HUGE fan of Bill Maher’s Real Time. I especially love the segment at the end of his show where he does his “New Rules“, a very blunt, albeit hilarious take on random news items. I sat listening to it on my iPod on the way to the airport, and thought– “I should so do a version of ‘New Rules'” for the blog. So each Friday will be “New Rule” Friday.

New Rule: Stop thinking you can invite 300 of your closest family and friends to your wedding on a $10,000 budget. The only place that will fit your budget is the McDonald’s playroom, catered by the redheaded clown himself.

New Rule: Your bridesmaids love you, but had no intention on becoming indentured servants. They really don’t want to do all 248 tasks on your to do list, no matter what the bridal magazines tell you.

New Rule: Stop lying to yourself saying you’re going to lose weight in order to fit into that dress. Wedding planning is stressful. When we get stressed, we eat. Or shop. You’re an 18. The dress is a 6. Don’t starve yourself until you look like a kid from one of the Christian Children’s Relief Fund commercials. the only way you’re going to get into that dress is if you wear it as a garter. Be proud of your curves! Get a dress that fits.

New Rule: Fondant is only good to people with burned off tastebuds. With all the different types of icings and buttercreams (Royal, French, American, Italian, Swiss, etc.), why wrap your cake in Play-Do?

New Rule: Stop telling people you’re having a destination wedding. Your wedding is in the next county. Taking the VFW and throwing on some Jimmy Buffet and putting rented palm trees in the corners is not a destination wedding.

New Rule: She’s not a flower girl if she’s 12. Your little cousin Susie may have been cute when she was 5. But that was like seven years ago. She’s a junior bridesmaid. Plain and simple. If she has a learner’s permit, she’s too old to carry a basket and drop petals.

New Rule: Balloon arches are for proms and car sales, NOT WEDDINGS. How do you equate elegance with expanded helium filled plastic?