When you are planning your wedding, it is quite tempting to consider your own wants and needs throughout the process.  Throwing a “never-you-mind” attitude at bridesmaids, future-in-laws, and guests may feel good momentarily, but the repercussions to follow may be long lasting.   Let’s consider the following scenarios:

You totally disregard your bridesmaids’ objections to your choice of dress—Your maids are less than thrilled with the dress you’ve picked out for them.  It looks great on the model—who is every bit of 95 pounds soaking wet and with her hair extensions in.  Your bridesmaids however are real world women.  They have curves, pouches, hips, thighs or none of the above.  So what looked great on the model looks like death on your bridesmaids.

You can: Use your carte blanche: “But it’s my wedding…” argument.  So, instead of having fabulous pictures of you and your best friends—you now have pictures of you looking fabulous and all of your bridesmaids having the “stomach virus” face, because they are so disgusted and completely uncomfortable in their dress.

You should: Offer dresses that come in both regular and plus sizes or allow your friends to choose between at least two dresses in the same color.  No one said it is absolutely mandatory for them all to wear the same thing.  FYI—it’s not.  Show some personality, and let them pick what they want.  After all, they are stuck with the dress after the wedding.

Your future mother-in-law wants to throw you a bridal shower and you are less than thrilled—You would much rather that she come to the shower planned by your maid of honor.  You don’t know why she has to be a prima donna and have her own shower.  You won’t know half the people there, and it’s not about her.  It’s about you.  At least, that’s what you keep telling everyone.

You can:  Fake sick or pull your own diva move and say that you won’t go:  there is only one shower (which is being thrown by your MOH) and she can be there or not.  All the while, you can ignore the pleas from your poor fiance who just wants you both to get along.

You should: Play nice.  If you refuse to go, you win the battle but lose the war.  Life does happen after the shower.  You still have the wedding to attend, and you do not want your future MIL and her family/guests to feel slighted at your wedding.  Trust me—you will be able to cut the tension with a knife, and your wedding will not be a blending of two families, but a scene from West Side Story.  Okay, so what your FMIL wants her own shower?  Look at it as her opportunity to show her personal affection for you to all of the important people in her life.  There will be plenty of opportunities to merge families after the wedding.

Remember it’s a celebration of your engagement and wedding, but it’s not about only you.  It’s about every one involved that chooses to celebrate with you.