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20 Things to Never Do When Planning Your Wedding

Wedding Advice

 

Planning your wedding can be fun, exhausting, exhilarating, stressful, exciting and frustrating. Here are 20 tips that you should never do whilst planning the party of the year.

 

1.)  Never book any venue without seeing it.  My only exception to this is if you have a wedding planner working your behalf and doing the scouting for you. 

2.)  Never  work with any  vendor without a contract.   Ever.  This includes Aunt Jan and Uncle Marty.  Contracts put everyone’s expectations and obligations on paper. 

3.)  Never start planning or interviewing vendors without a budget.  You will waste your time and the time  of the vendors you meet. Whenever a potential client says “There is no budget” or something similar, they are not impressed. The red flags go up.

4.) Never start your wedding planning in the “middle”.  In other words, start at the beginning and work your way down with tasks and duties.  Find a planning timeline to help you figure out where you should be in your planning process.  Don’t start designing your floor plan when you haven’t chosen a venue. 

5.)  Never be afraid to speak up with your vendors. If you have questions or concerns, ask while changes can still be made as opposed to being stuck with something you will regret on your wedding day.

6.) Never take your family and friends for granted. Using the “But it’s my wedding” carte blanche will get very old, very fast.  Your bridesmaids and groomsmen will spend a small fortune to participate in your day.  Please treat them nicely. 

7.)  Never believe anything you see on the wedding shows.  Ever.

8.)  Never choose a dress under the condition you will lose weight to fit in it later. Stress eating is a huge monster during wedding planning. It is easier to take a dress in than it is to let it out.

9.)  Never forget what you are planning for—your wedding, which is the birth of your marriage. I encourage you to plaster pictures all over your planning binder of you and your honey. That is your motivation.

10.)  Never pick a vendor that has poor communication skills or makes you feel silly, “cheap”, "spoiled, or otherwise about your choices. Period.

11.)  Never put your registry information on or with your invitation.  Times may have changed and “some” etiquette rules can be bent. I don’t feel this is one of them. You do not want people to feel like there is a cover charge for your wedding.  This information needs to be sent word of mouth, on your wedding website/newsletter or with your bridal/couple shower invite.

12.) Never choose a photographer with your budget solely in mind.  This is the only thing that will preserve your memories for your special day.   Please choose someone with style, talent and charisma so that you can remember your day fifty years from now as if it were yesterday.

13.)  Never go to your  catering tasting starving.   Everything will taste good.  You need to be discerning with mingling flavors and scents…and be able to appreciate them.

14.) Never go to your florist without a concept. There are several breeds of roses, lilies, and orchids.  Your floral designer will be more than happy to provide you with inspiration, guidance and ideas, but you need to know where the destination is before you get in the car. 

15.) Never assume a vendor’s “retainer” is the same as a deposit.  A deposit is refundable.  A retainer is not.

16.)  Never think you will be able to make everyone happy with your decisions.  Don’t try to make them all angry either.  Ask for ideas, and find ways to incorporate everyone into the wedding. Nothing will make your FMIL beam brighter than to point at something and say "I picked that!”

17.)  Never try to micromanage your day while wearing the gown.  The day will be a blur anyway,  it will go by so much faster (and harder) if you are playing the starring role and the director.  Enjoy your day.  Save your sanity.  Please get a wedding coordinator.  If you do, let her/him do her/his job.

18.) Never withhold the final payment from a vendor with the belief that this will pressure them to show up.  If you have chosen to hire professionals for your wedding, this will never be an issue. The wedding industry thrives on reputation, and several vendors have reputations that precede them.  Many have the philosophy if you do not pay them on the due date, they will not be there, and you will be without the vendor anyway.

19.)  Never lose sight of the fact that you will have several hundred people at your wedding with different tastes and likes.  While you cannot make them all happy, as a host, it is your job to make it enjoyable and comfortable.  Remember this when it comes to design, location and food.

20.)  Never  forget to read this blog. (ok, I was really running low. Shameless plug over).

:: Photo Michal Zacharzewski

10 Tips for a Great Wedding Venue Visit, Part 2

Wedding Advice

The Mansion at Forsyth in Savannah, Georgia

Welcome back!

Last week, we talked about the first of the five tips for a great wedding venue visit.  This week, we’ll round up our last bit of tips that will help you choose a wedding reception or wedding ceremony location with ease and confidence. 

  1. Become a complete space cadet.  One of the most important features that makes your potential site a viable choice is its ability to accommodate all of your guests.  You will want to inquire into how many guests can comfortably fit at the venue, because size matters.  Can you have the ceremony and reception at the same place?  Are there options for inclement weather?  If there are tenting options  for outdoor weddings due to space or weather concerns, how much extra is this option in addition to the costs of the rental?  Some venues will require you to book an additional space as your backup—be prepared to factor this into your budget when comparing costs later.  If there are multiple rooms at the venue, ask how many other events are booked on your wedding day.
  2. Gain absolute clarity on the role of your “coordinator”.  Many venues erroneously give their on-site catering manager or coordinator the misnomer of “wedding coordinator”.  This gives most brides the impression that their “venue comes with a coordinator”.  In most cases, this is true and false, and causes much stress and frustration for those on-site coordinators who deal with questions that they cannot and should not deal with.  The coordinator is on hand to answer your questions in terms of your wedding ceremony and or reception, not the entirety of your wedding.  Some on-site coordinators do not stay at the wedding the entire time to execute or oversee, so these will be questions you will want answers to prior to booking your venue.  If their duties are limited, ask for recommendations for wedding coordinators that can work with you on a day-of-wedding level. 
  3. A matter of convenience. Since you and Mr. Fabuluxe know your guest list the best, consider your guests in your decision.  How large is the parking lot?  Is their a fee for valet parking?  How far is parking from the venue?  Take note of the number of restrooms  and their locations– compute if it will be convenient for your guests.  If there are only two stalls in the bathroom, your guests will spend more time in line than at the wedding reception.  If you have elderly or handicapped guests, make sure that the exits are easily accessible, with ramps, if necessary.  If your venue is a resort, ask if there is shuttle or cart service to get guests to the main hotel areas.   
  4. Is there room at the Inn?  Ask ahead if there is a changing or private room for you and your groomsmen if you will have your wedding ceremony there as well.  When planning your timeline, having an onsite room will be most convenient for you. If it doesn’t, it gives you notice to pad your travel time in the the wedding day timeline. This room could also be a perfect hideaway if you would like a private moment with your new husband in the midst of the festivities.
  5. Don’t Go Solo.  Have your fiance, maid/matron of honor, parents or wedding planner attend your venue visit with you. It is good to have a second opinion—especially if you are madly in love with a specific venue.  Another person’s point of view will help you see things you had not or considered.

 

Planning a Modern Southern Wedding

Wedding Advice

Scarlett O'Hara at her wedding in Gone With the Wind

The quintessential Southern wedding—Gone With the Wind via Boxwish

Being in transplanted in the South, especially in Coastal Georgia, it is so nice to see the different traditions in place for weddings. Even those who are not from our area and come for destination weddings still want to include a southern tradition into their wedding ceremony or reception.  With great locations like plantation houses, low country mansions or the regal playgrounds of the rich, like the Jekyll Club, there are so many places that can lend themselves to create a nostalgic event experience.  Moreover, you could allow them to continue to influence the flow and concept of the rest of the event. Get inspired by the grounds, decor colors, etc. and tie them in with your invitations, linens and other parts of your wedding

 

But what if you want to kick it up a notch? What if you want glitz and tradition, or contemporary design and classic heritage?  Let’s look at a few well-known traditions and see how we can have “you” written all over it.

 

 

Video Game System 360 Grooms Cake

Groom’s Cake—This was once only a southern tradition but has spread across the country as another way to include the groom and his personality (like the one above).  Any excuse for more cake works for me. Southern brides would “gift” their grooms with a single layer cake at the wedding.  The grooms cake is typically chocolate or frosted chocolate, but as you can see, it has gone into a work of art itself.  While the wedding cake has been for the bride (in an unspoken understanding), the groom has an opportunity to represent during the wedding.  It is not restricted to being chocolate either—designs vary from different cake flavors to cupcakes and even fondant covered rice krispy treats!  Surprise him by making it something that reflects his interests and present it at the rehearsal dinner or at a scheduled time during the  wedding.   See the Top 5 Groomscakes of 2008 at Pink Cake Box. 

Liquid Refreshment—Sweet Iced Tea (seen here from Southern Living)  is a staple here in Georgia. It makes it appearance at every meal,so be sure to include it in your wedding, along with other Southern fail safes:  lemonade, mint juleps, bourbon and whiskey.  We previously talked about Southern Cocktails and Signature Drinks and making them more modern.  What other things can you add?  Try changing up the way you present them: opt for lucite trays, oddly shaped glasses or even mason jars,  as well as “props”.  For example, add a magnolia or gardenia bloom to the trays of passed drinks.  If you want to go for a non-alcoholic bar for your southern wedding, offer sweet tea, lemonade, Arnold Palmers (a mixture of the two) and dress them up—rim the glasses for your drinks with colored sugar.  Or really spice things up by adding different flavors like mango, strawberry or blueberry.  Peach is a hit in Georgia (go figure!).  Include lots of fresh fruit as garnish.

 

 

 

butternut squash casserole

All in the family—Believe it or not, it was once tradition for members of the family to bring a “covered dish” to the wedding.  While you don’t want to necessarily go pot luck for your wedding, you can add an interesting twist.  Prior to your wedding, ask all bridal shower guests to send in or bring their favorite recipes and a picture of themselves.  Have a family member compile them all and put them in a photobook from places like Blurb or PhotoWorks, as a gift to you and your new husband.  This family cookbook will be a great heirloom filled with the loving memories and aromas of kitchens past.  If you or your fiance have a special dish that your parents, grandparents or other family members make, give it to your caterer!  See how they can create a more modern version with killer presentation.

 

When in Rome… Another great way to tie in your Southern location is to share the experience with your guests.  A great way to do this is through your favors. If you are opting for a candy bar, check out southern favorites like pralines, toffees, caramels, brittles, etc.  Don’t forget to add your pecans and peanuts if you’d like to add a twist.  Southern Candymakers is a great resource!  Another idea for favors is to incorporate your Southern wedding location.  For example, if you are having your wedding in Georgia, offer personalized peach preserves (like those featured above from Dewey’s) as a favor or personalized hot sauce for Louisiana weddings and painted Valencia oranges for those in Florida. 

 

 

 

Southern Weddings Blog 

 

Other great modern resources for your wedding in the South are Southern Weddings—the blog is full  of inspirational pictures and ideas of weddings in the South.  Also check out the queen of weddings in the South as well:  Tara Guerard, and her book, Southern Weddings: New Looks from the Old South.  Remember, two of the greatest Southern wedding traditions are grace and family.  Be a good hostess for your guests and work creatively and fervently to bring your two families together.

Event Vision 101: Color

Wedding Advice

eventvision101

Color is life.

 

Color is life’s method of non-verbal communication, with symbolism and meaning.

 

You could choose colors because they have a deep meaning for you or just because they are pretty.  However, choosing colors for your wedding will be a very important choice and will dictate the design of the event vision.  Color means different things to different people and cultures.  If you plan on incorporating traditions that reflect your heritage, take notice as to what colors are prominent and meaningful.

 

Let’s discuss color basics:

 

 color wheel

 

Contrasting/Clashing Colors—despite the name, working with these colors doesn’t necessarily cause an eyesore.  They are called this because they sit across from each other on the color wheel.  This can create a very dynamic color combination with depth and contrast.

Complementary Colors—On the color wheel, these colors are separated by another color.  When paired together, it is said that they can cause an undesired “visual vibration”, however when integrated with another color, they can complement each other well…hence the name.

Adjacent/Harmonizing Colors—These colors lie right next to each other on the color wheel. Even though they harmonize well together, there may appear washed out as there is not be enough contrast. 

 

 

Because of the varying shades and tints of all the colors on the wheel, you can achieve a very personal look.  Pick your colors from something you love already—a dress, photography, floral arrangement, etc.  Select three colors—light, medium and dark.  These colors could be found in anything and doesn’t necessarily be something that you introduce, but something to play off of in your design.  Just remember—light recedes, darker draws in.  Be sure to distribute the color evenly—this can be done with centerpieces, linens, lighting, present colors at your venue or in nature.  In design, using contrasting/clashing colors creates a more formal feel, while using adjacent/harmonizing colors can create a casual feel. On that same token, you are more likely to have more dimension and depth when using contrasting colors.  For easier selection, go to stores like Home Depot or Sherwin Williams for paint samples, where you can play with various colors.  To stay up with colors that are hot and in season, check out the Pantone color trends.  Be sure not to go overboard with “trendy” colors; it can cause your design to look very dated in years to come.

 

Remember that you want your color to invoke a feeling that is congruent to the event experience you want to create.  Will your vision be alluring and seductive or playful and demure?  Do you want your colors to be energizing or tranquil?

10 Tips for a Great Wedding Venue Visit

Wedding Advice

 The Imperial Ballroom at the Atlanta Biltmore

The Imperial Ballroom at the Atlanta Biltmore

 

 

I love going on venue visits with brides and grooms. Even if I have been to a particular wedding ceremony or reception site several times before, it is always great to visit with renewed purpose and see it through their eyes.  When you visit your venue, think of it as visiting a home you and Mr. Fabuluxe are considering purchasing.  You want something that reflects both of you and your lovestory, makes you feel comfortable and is conducive and complementary to your overall event vision.  Just like when buying your home, as soon as your foot crosses the threshold, you should feel like you are “home”.  You should see the two of you cutting the cake in the corner or stealing a kiss by the door.  You should see your dad doing that dance that you wish he wouldn’t on the dance floor.  You should see your best friends marveling at the centerpieces and beautiful decor.

I’m sure that if you have a wedding planner, s/he will attend these visits with you and give you some key things to look out for.  Here are some additional suggestions:

  1. Pay attention to how you are treated…on every level. Your family and friends will visit your venue and come across various members of the site’s staff.  If you are having a destination wedding, this will include hotel front desk staff, too.  In these instances, I would suggest staying at the resort/hotel prior to booking.  Granted, everyone has a bad day—but if you feel neglected, offended, or chastised, it may be time to look for another wedding location.  You will be less apt to forgive these attitudes and affronts your wedding day. 

  2. Pay attention to any odd smells and stains.  I know, strange but true.  If there is a “unique” odor in the venue, it could be for various reasons—the site is old, there is a mold problem, etc.  Be sure to inquire into if it will be fixed (nevermind asking what it is); you are paying to rent the facility and have a right to know.  Look for things that could detract from your wedding like hard water stains on walls or other stains on the carpet/flooring.  Ask if any renovations will occur prior to your wedding;  you may be able to benefit from those new upgrades.

  3. Does the decor make you soar or gives you a sore? In addition to the pictures you see online at the wedding venue’s website, be sure to check other sites like Flickr as well as blogs of photographers and wedding planners in your area.  You will be seeing the venue without any frills—but it will be good for you to get an idea as to what you are walking into as well as how much work you will have to put into your design to make it the way you want.  If the decor is antiquated, ask if you can make any non-permanent changes.  Also, if there are any decorations that you simply adore, ask if they will be in place for your wedding.  This would also be a good time to ask what the venue does anything special around the holidays if you are having a wedding at during a holiday season.

  4. Take your own pictures.  You know what you are going for with your design and it can sometimes be hard to describe in conversation or in emails.  Instead, take your own pictures of your potential venues to review at a later date.   Print your photos at home or send them to a place like Walgreens or Walmart.  One tip:  Print them as 8x10s and have them laminated at Staples or Kinko’s.  With a set of dry erase markers, make notes or preliminary placement designs for your own records.

  5. Know your limitations, restrictions and requirements up front.  It’s the pits finding out things after you’ve signed the dotted line.  The problem is that you may not have known to even ask those questions during your visit.  You will want to know if your vendors are required to have liability insurance in order to work there.  You do not want to run into a problem with booking a vendor only to find they do not have the required paperwork and refuse to get it.  Of course, you should ask about any design limitations and restrictions—which parts of the venue will you have access to? Are you allowed to affix anything by hanging, taping, pinning or stapling?  Can structures be built onsite?  Do they have any exclusive catering or photography rights?  Can you bring your own alcohol?  Are there any structural limitations that you could run into if you want to use a non-standard layout or lighting?  Are there any noise ordinances?  What about rose petals, confetti, rice or sparklers?  Can you have open flames or must you use enclosures?  How early can you set up?  These are all some great questions to get you started.

 

 

We’ll break this post in half, with the other five tips coming next Monday.  In the meantime,  check out 5 Venue Assets that Will Fabuluxe Your Wedding

What to Do When Your Wedding Vendor Has Bad Online Reviews

Wedding Advice

 

With sites like Wedding Wire, Project Wedding, Yelp and message boards on The Knot, it is easy for brides to do research on their potential wedding vendors before ever meeting them.  But what happens when you’ve fallen in love with a wedding vendor or a wedding vendor has been referred to you, only to find that they have a negative review about them. It can be potentially devastating to your plans—but be sure that you are considering everything in context.  Here are some tips on dealing with bad reviews. 

 

  • Remember that one’s perception is their reality. Sometimes reviews can leave out a lot of context. What may be important to the reviewer may be something that would not really bother you.
  • Ask current and potential wedding vendors.  As I’ve said before, the wedding professional community is a tight knit one. We all work together and have seen each other at various stages of planning and execution of a wedding day.  One thing to consider when choosing your wedding vendor is their ability to work and play well with others.  Check with vendors you have already hired and those you are considering about the vendor with the unfavorable reviews. Ask of their experience—they can share an opinion from a professional’s point of view.
  • Ask other brides about their experience with the vendor.  Contact the reviewer about the vendor—ask detailed questions about their review and any others that might pertain to your wedding planning or event.   Ask the vendor for references and ask questions about their experience, basing them around things that have concerned you from the disparaging review. This will give you a better clue if problems are specific to that client/event or if there is a problem with the vendor’s work process.
  • Ask the vendor. If you have specific concerns, definitely contact your vendor personally.  Some vendors will not get into an online tit-for-tat on review sites with former clients, which makes the argument very one-sided.  Ask your vendor about anything specifically bothering you.  They will be able to give you more clarity into the bad review, and with having both sides you can make a better decision.

 

Additionally, one thing to take into consideration is your experience with the vendor at question.  Hiring vendors can be a very time consuming and draining process.  If anything becomes too overwhelming, take a break and start at it again after you’ve given yourself some time to decompress. 

 

 

:: Photo ~ Craig Jewell ::

Definition: Ganache

Wedding Advice, Wedding Sugar

 

 
Milk chocolate ganache tart by Dorothy Lane
   White Belgian chocolate ganache by Serendipity Cakes
  

ganache (uncountable)

  1. A rich creamy chocolate filling made of chocolate and cream, used for confections such as the filling of truffles.
  2. Heaven.

 

Ok, so I added #2, but it’s still true.  Ganache, while rich and not for the faint of heart, offers a delectable taste to your desserts. It can be used as a filling or or as a gloss like glaze for a cake.  Less cream means a firmer ganache which allows for more creative uses.  It really does complement other flavors like orange, strawberry and raspberry.

We Likey…BBJ Design Center

Featured, Wedding Advice

BBJ Design Center

 

I am a huge lover of BBJ Linen.  I absolutely love their Design Center; it allows you to piece together the linens you like and see them set visually before you to get an idea as to how your vision will come to life.  You can work with your primary linen, coordinating linen, napkins, chair covers and ties.  Seeing complementing colors and textures will give you an idea of what your tables and/or chairs will look like.  You can print out your results for your notes and try as many combinations as you like.  With showrooms across the U.S., you can make an appointment and see the linens you’ve chosen on actual tables.

 

Don’t forget to use the Linen Workup Sheet in combination with this great site!

More Lies: “Ssshhhh….Don’t Tell Them It’s A Wedding!”

Terrica Talk, Wedding Advice

Somebody’s going to be mad.

I’ve heard it all at this point.  There are a lot of “arrognorant” (the lethal mix of arrogance and ignorance plaguing the world) advice going around now that it is wedding season.  Once again, I feel it is prevalent because of the horrible economic tides we are trying to tame as well as the overall lack of public trust in any practically any business (Thanks, AIG, Freddie, Fannie, Madoff and countless others!  You’re a swell bunch).

What’s (the lie) going around now is that it’s smarter to tell your vendors that you are planning a “big party!”  rather than a wedding, because everyone knows that entertainment/event vendors are out to rip everyone off the minute they say “The W word”.  So to combat that, and to make sure you protect what’s left of your 401K, you decide to lie to everyone.

It’s like going to the doctor, tell the staff that you have a terrible stomach ache.  Once you’ve been whisked back into the doctor’s examining room, you reveal “Just kidding. I’m really pregnant and in labor right now. I know when you guys hear the word ‘maternity’,  the prices double”.

Great way to start a relationship. (That was sarcasm)

Trust is a two way street.   Your wedding vendors are trusting that you will pay them on time.  So that, in turn, they can pay their staff, mortgages and gas and electric bills on time. They are also trusting that you will keep your date and follow-through with an actual event.  More likely than not,they have turned down other events so that they could show you exemplary client service and attention.  When you lie to them from the beginning (because they will find out that it’s an actual wedding, and not some “big party”), they have no incentive to trust you, let alone like you.  It will make your vendor feel as if you questioned their integrity without communicating any concerns, and decided to deceive them for your own benefit (a little pot calling the kettle black, eh?).

In case this piece of info isn’t printed in anyone’s wedding magazine or allowed to run rampant on a wedding message board, I’ll say it here:  wedding vendors are a tight community. If you feel the need to try to get over on any of your wedding vendors with lies and deception, you had better believe that other wedding vendors will hear about it, too.  It could  make it a lot harder for you to find other vendors that will want to work with you once they have heard about your antics.   A wedding is not just a big party.  It’s your wedding. Don’t take anything away from that by calling it something that it isn’t. If it were really just “one big party”, then why not go to the courthouse and rock out at Chuck E. Cheese?  There very well may be some unscrupulous vendors out there who mark their prices up because it’s a wedding, and some may feel warranted in doing so due to the expectations and other details they will have to deal with.   For the rest of us that run our businesses honestly, we have set our prices for the amount of work we do.  As a wedding planner, it is my job to make sure that brides and grooms get what they are looking for and that any wedding day related charges are services are legitimate.  If you run into several mark ups with venues or vendors that you have dreamt of using, it may be time to find vendors you can actually afford to use. If you find someone who is less than honest about their fees—do not book them!

But remember, a stomach ache is not the same thing as being in labor 😉

I’m sure my other wedding planner and vendor friends will be able to offer so much more insight, so let’s keep the conversation going.

:: Photo ~ Bjorn de Leeuw ::