This year, I have noticed that many of you may be experiencing problems with the most important woman in your guy’s life besides you.  Yes.  His mama.  I can’t imagine how I will feel or act when my sons choose to marry; but gratefully, they will never meet a woman that is perfect enough to meet my standards and endure the rigorous obstacle course and Survivor-like challenges that I am already thinking up for her.  (FYI, my sons are 3 and 1).  

I’m just kidding.  Sorta.  Kinda.  Ok, well, not really.

When I work with couples for such a long time, it really breaks my heart to see the different changes they go through at the hands of the mothers.  Some moms (on both sides, no less)have a little trouble coming to grips with the fact that their little baby will have a new number one person in their life.  Others…for whatever reason, have their own opinions and will stop at nothing to make you and your family complete uncomfortable.  Truth be told, from what I have observed, most mothers really don’t know that they are doing some of the things that are driving you insane.  But there are others that know exactly what they are doing.  I have seen everything from mothers dropping the name and memories of ex-girlfriends at rehearsal dinner or wedding speeches to trying to upstage the bride on her wedding day to refusing to even be photographed with her or stay for the reception. 

It happens.

You usually get a glimpse during the planning period.  While this may give you pause to truly consider if this is a family you want to marry into, you will soon find that your man makes it worthwhile….as long as you only have to talk to “her” once a year.  However, how you choose to handle the little challenges during your planning will preface the relationship you will have with her, and vicariously the rest of his family at the start of your marriage.  This is important because there will be many Thanksgivings, Christmases and dear God, babies(!!) that will follow after your wedding day.  Here are some tips to deal:

1. Be realistic–  Try to see things from her point of view, which will be hard, but it will help you with your plan B in your method of dealing with the madness.  Try to decide if something that she is doing, saying, something, etc. is out of sheer meanness, jealousy or ambivalence.  Then, decide if it is something you can live with her having or doing (for example, she wants his sisters in the bridal party or she wants a huge family portrait of her family done by the photographer after the ceremony) or if it is something that you can compromise with.
2.  Avoid being bratty– We know it’s your wedding day, but it is still a special day for her and her son too.  Try not to pivot all of your objections on the “But it’s my wedding!” argument or fall on your sword too often.  When you compromise, compromise fairly. 
3. Remember, your honey is in the middle–  He is seriously between a rock and hard place, and will get it from all sides if he doesn’t do exactly what either of you want.  However, his mother is his responsibility, and he should be the first person to let her know that her behavior is unacceptable (if it truly is). 
4. Communicate openly, and honestly–  If email is the best way for you to express yourself,
5. SOS– if she, or even you, aren’t dealing with a full deck at the time of a predicament, it’s best that you two not even communicate.  Use an intermediary.  If your fiance isn’t making much leeway, ask your mother for help, if you feel she can be unbiased (or at least give the appearance).  She will be able to argue your case, as well as appeal as another mother.

If all else fails, put her in the “igg box”.  Designate some friends or family play wedding bouncer and keep you away from any drama on the wedding day.  They can instantly scoop you away to “a very pressing matter”.  Enjoy your day– even though it is about the merging of two families, it is also the celebration of the love of two people.  Keep your eyes on the prize and you’ll make it through!

:: Photo Source ::

I really wish the glossies would do an article on how to effectively hold an initial communication or consult with wedding vendors.  Especially those wedding vendors that reside here on Planet Earth.  Firstly, the questions they encourage couples to ask vendors are completely out of left field, and really have nothing to do with your wedding.  So much so, that a lot of my wedding planner friends have generated an autoresponder or pre-formatted information sheets with answers to these questions (Is this your full time job, what were you before you became a wedding planner, what is your sign, do you like dogs and other such nonsense). 

One thing that needs to be firmly addressed is the subject of budgets in the first consult.  Most couples think if they say “Oh, we don’t have a budget!” that we will jump at the chance of doing your wedding because it is Platinum Wedding status. 

Instead, it sends up red flags and causes us to give our “Thanks, but no thanks” for that Bridge to Wedding Nowhere concession speech.  It actually sends the opposite message.  Even though couples are thrown into a new world wrapped in satin, buttercream and french lace, there are enough resources that will allow you to estimate pricing for your wants vs your needs.  Most couples think if they give us a certain budget,  and it’s too “small”, we won’t work with you or we will think lowly of you.  That could not be further from the truth.

When you lie or embellish about your budget it only wastes time for all of us.  Your planner will spend time researching and showing you options that you know you can’t afford and have no intentions of buying.  But the problem is that you knew from the very beginning that there is an amount you wish not to go over. 

I give this example to my clients:

Let’s say we are going shopping (ooh, goodie!).  Today, we decide that we will shop for a pair of boots for an upcoming party.  You already know that you don’t want to spend over $200 for your complete outfit– dress, boots, accessories, makeup, etc.  The problem is that you don’t tell the sales woman that.  So, she steadily brings out pair after pair of gorgeous leather footwear that cost more than your entire budget. Thirty minutes into your shopping experience, you’re frustrated and you’re nowhere, as you’ve seen every boot in the store.  The entire store was out of your budget.  Rewind this back a little– say you had walked into the store and asked to see all the boots between $50 and $100 in a specific color.  The sales person could tell you they don’t have anything in your budget and direct you to a store that does, or they could show you something in that price range. 

So, before approaching any vendors, set a concrete budget.  Allow yourself some wiggle room on either side.  As in the example above, it will help your vendors assist you in a more helpful and efficient manner. If they cannot personally help you, they can direct you to another vendor that can. 

Last month, I had the wonderful honor and privilege of witnessing the marriage of Caryn and Jonathan.  Caryn and I worked together for about ten months to pull off one of the most beautiful and romantic weddings of our season. Everything was laced with a little detail of Caryn and Jonathan– their love and admiration for each other to their fun loving spirit. 

I knew from the Hands Ceremony where the officiant stated “Caryn, look at Jonathan’s hands– these are the hands that will provide for you, will wipe away your tears on a bad day and hold yours tightly as you bring your first child into the world…” that this ultra-personal, family oriented and beautiful affair is only a glimpse into your lives together.

Rachel, our new Fabuluxe Associate and I had the chance to team up with Scarlett Lillian and Turner Classic Weddings for Caryn and Jonathan’s wedding at Crane Cottage at the Jekyll Club on Jekyll Island.  You may have seen some of these on Scarlett’s blog, but if not– you may now bask in her awesomeness:

Caryn had one of the most beautiful and ornate bridal purses.  I remember  seeing it in her  notes at our floral consult, and I fawned over it then.  It is just as beautiful in person!

Caryn’s father passed away, so she commemorated his spirit by having him with her as she walked down the aisle, as a picture on a locket braided to her bouquet.

Everyone from Gay Whatley of Gay Whatley Floral Design to Tommy Tucker of Dance Jammers did a wonderful job in going the extra mile to create a fantastic event for Caryn and Jonathan and their guests.  I am so grateful and honored to work with such awesome professionals.  Scarlett, as always you did a fabulous job capturing what endures far longer than sparkly linens and lush flowers— the love and passion that ignited it all.

Let’s talk about your cocktail hour (again)!

Your cocktail hour really starts the party, both literally and figuratively.  Theming your wedding after a period in time, colors, or other experiences is a great way to make your party unforgettable. But don’t forget about the food!  Good food that appeals to the sense and the palate are

Tomini Elettrici – Electric Tomini

Tomino is a fresh cheese made from cow’s milk, available in most Italian delicatessens. Try a fresh creamy goat cheese as a substitute.

Place sliced cheese on small toast squares, sprinkle with extra-virgin olive oil, oregano and small rounds of hot red pepper (whence the name “electric”).

The Persa

2 oz. Rhubarb-infused vodka
one-half oz. Lime juice

2 oz. Moscato D’Asti (a sparkling dessert wine from Piedmont)
Put ice in glass and add ingredients. Garnish with strawberries.

Tomini Photo

Planning a wedding is fun, but it’s also hard work.  In addition to managing the many details, you also have to manage people.  That includes your bridal party, family and vendors.  Keeping your vendors in the loop is one of the most important things you can do in the process of planning your wedding, especially your wedding planner. It doesn’t matter how insignificant you think the change is– you need to notify your planner or your on-site coordinator of any pertinent changes. 

Here are some things that you should notify your planner of:

• Changes in location of your rehearsal, ceremony, cocktail hour, or reception
• Changes in floral or linen orders
• Changes in service or service times of vendors (for example– you cut your DJ’s play time from 4 hours to three)
• Changes of vendors
• Changes in your final guest count

Because your planner and/or on-site coordinator handles the back-end or the business side of your fabulous event, they have a structure that is being built to pull your event off successfully.  They may be relying on a portion of your plans to help them execute their service.  If you fear that you will be a nuisance,  or if you have many changes, compile them in one email and send them to your planner or on-site coordinator.  If it is something major, be sure to notify them immediately. 

Trust me, there is nothing worse than showing up to a pre-wedding con or worst yet, the day of the wedding only to find that things have been dramatically changed after you have developed a blueprint of the day.  Of course, a good planner always has a Plan B and works smarter, not harder– but the extra effort to rearrange plans or overcompensate for changes can cost valuable time and resources.

YOU’RE INVITED!!

WHO You! Plus press, fashionistas, event planners, trendsetters, other brides-to-be,

local luminaries, hipsters and Page 6-ers.

WHAT W Hotels knows how to add WOW to your vows, and how to do it just a little bit differently. Operation Aisle Style is a party, a fashion show and an epicurean adventure inspired by intrepid travelers, libertines, alterna-wedding wunderkinds, Carolyn Gerin, creator of the best-selling Anti-Bride series by Chronicle Books, and Jennifer Stein, publisher of Destination I Do Magazine, the premiere international romance travel magazine in partnership with the uber-hip, chicly romantic, W New Orleans – French Quarter.

WHEN Thursday, October 30, 2008, 7 pm – 10 pm

WHERE W New Orleans – French Quarter, 316 Rue Chartres

WOW! Romance, mystery, and old world glamour await you at the W New Orleans – French Quarter.

Includes: Fashion show with signature styles by Project Runways Austin Scarlett, makeup tips and tricks area, professional photo session, libations and nibbles in the Courtyard, a raffle of coveted items for your trousseau and swag bags with booty for your beauty.

Let us take you behind the scenes to your picture perfect day:

• Sip signature cocktails created especially for the bride and groom featuring X-Rated Fusion Liqueur and divine wines with pairings by the wine makers of Somerston Winery, featuring Napa Valley’s notorious Bad Habit and High Flyer wines with the inspired cuisine of our W – New Orleans chefs.

• At the stroke of 7 pm, witness the “Operation Aisle Style” bridal fashion show bringing you the hippest bridal styles hot off the runway from our prince of aisle style, Project Runways Austin Scarlett and more, and then onto the most regal and rockin’ reception of the year in the W’s wildly romantic French Quarter Courtyard.

• Event participants/Co-promoters: Chronicle Books (publisher of Anti-Bride series and Cooking Up a Storm), Avant Guides (creator of Avant Guides, New Orleans edition), Destination I Do Magazine,  Destination I Do Magazine,  Anti-Bride Productions, Somerston Wines, X-Rated Fusion Liqueur, Celebrity Make-up Artist Brandy from bgdmakeupartistry.com, Caleton Club & Villas, W New Orleans – French Quarter and more will make it the high profile event of the season.

• Help us donate dollars to Sweet Home New Orleans, an organization dedicated to rebuilding the homes of New Orleans’ beloved musical community, lost to hurricane Katrina.

• Fabulous Prizes furnished by: Avant Guides, Chronicle Books, Destination I Do Magazine, W New Orleans – French Quarter, Caleton Club & Villas and Somerston Wines. One lucky winner will receive a 3-night/4-day luxury honeymoon getaway at Caleton Club & Villas, located in the ‘world’s new great destination’ of Cap Cana in the Dominican Republic. Prize trip includes accommodations in an ocean side bungalow, breakfast daily and private transfers to/from the Punta Cana International Airport. Good luck!

• Prepare to be tagged by our roving photojournalists and noticed on all the social sites right after the party in a fabulous photo essay documenting the revelry.

Click here for more info on the event.

To RSVP email

You must be 21 to enter and tickets are $10 at the door. Proceeds go to Sweet Home New Orleans.

WE HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!

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One of the hottest trends hitting the runways this fall are jackets!  Personally, I love a good jacket, especially one that is tailored to fit and can complement almost any outfit from pencil skirts to jeans.  But, what about bridal wear? 

Enter the bolero. 

Shawls are great, but can be a tad bit worrisome.  You have to actually hold it or let it hang;  just keeping up with it can add an additional task to an already harried day.  Boleros can add additional style to your bridal look as well as serve its function of keeping you warm.  For example, you’ll look a lot more stunning in your bridal bolero than your new husband’s tuxedo jacket at your outdoor reception.  With the entrance of winter and fall weddings, we see the influx of many bridal jackets, boleros and cover ups.  Because there are so many options, you want to be sure you are picking one that is right for your style of dress and the season of your wedding.

Some designers create boleros to go with a few collections in their lines, while some bridal salons will make a bolero for you if you bring in or purchase the lace or desired fabric of your choice.  Another great perk of wearing a bolero is the ability to maintain your shape while still adding  a bit of style.  It’s not bulky like some bridal jackets, so you are sure to stay along the same lines for your look as you do without it. 

Row 1:  Rina di Montella Bridal Style No. RB2800S :: Destinations by Mon Cheri Style No. 28100 :: Le Spose di Giò Style No. E50 ::

Row 2: Renella De Fina Style No. Mia :: Alvina Valenta Style No. 9851 :: Rina di Montella Bridal Style No. RB2802S ::

Row 3: JCH CollectionStyle No. J2082 :: Essense of Australia Style No. DJ852 :: La Sposa Style No. Ferida ::