To some brides, choosing a wedding theme can be as complicated as developing the budget or the guest list.  For others, it’s the only thing that holds them together!  Picking a theme doesn’t have to be hard or complicated, and it actually can make your planning process flow a lot easier. 

 What NOT to Do:

• Pick more theme than you have money– Unless Preston Bailey is your mother’s father’s neighbor’s tax guy’s niece’s second cousin, tone it down. You don’t need 40 round faced children to hang from the ceiling as cherubim to complete your heaven on earth theme. 
• Pick a theme that is out of season–  Snowflakes in July?   Garden wedding in December?  No, honey, try again. Pick a theme in the season or time that you want to have your wedding. This will make things so much easier on you when you want to get seasonal items such as food and flowers. 
• Pick a theme that only you get–Being out of the box is great, I love out of the box. But don’t go so far out of the box that you are the only one that who really knows what’s going on. 

What to Do:

• Try to work around your current plans or refer back to earlier plans–   Sometimes, plans lean a certain way towards a certain theme anyway. (Don’t look at me like that!  They really do!)  If you think you don’t have a theme, you probably do
• Keep it simple– If you’re having a hard time coming up with a theme, look to the obvious.  Your locale could be your theme, as could your colors.  It might be right in front of you (see tip one….see, told you so!)
• Find a locale that you can incorporate into your theme– this will really help tie things together without having to bring in a lot of extras.
• Find little things to really add “umph” to your event– could be linens, lighting, a few big floral arrangements, entertainment, etc. 

Now that the budget has been sized up (or down, for that matter), you have a realistic view of what you can do for your wedding.  Depending on how you allocated your funding in the budget segment, a majority of what you can do will revolve around the your guest list.  Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look…

Gorgeous Reception?  Guest list intensive.

Stunning Invites?  Guest list intensive.

Memorable Favors?  Guest list intensive.

You get my point.  Keeping your dream wedding and your budget in mind, let’s look at what not to do…

What NOT To Do:

• Invite your uncle’s daughter’s mother-in-law’s cousin’s neighbor’s dogwalker.  We understand it’s a festive occasion, but really…limit your list to family and friends
• Consider “I.O.U’s”.  If your friend from college invited you to  her wedding, that was awfully kind of her.  You, however, are not obligated to do the same– especially if you are not close.  (This is also true for the bridal party…but we’ll drive off that bridge when we come to it)
• Make your single friends come stag. Sure, they love you. But at some point in time in all of our lives we have been to some seminar, workshop, camp, training, etc. where we had to get up and introduce ourselves and play silly games.  No one wants to do that at a wedding. Make your single friends feel comfortable by letting them invite someone they know! If you do opt to nix the “and guest” for your single friends, try to pair them with someone they know in the seating arrangements.
• Argue about the guest list. This is criticial. The guest list development should happen at the very beginning of your planning.  You don’t want to embark upon the rest of your planning period in a huff with your fiance, future in laws or parents

What To Do:

• Develop rules that everyone has to play by for the guest list.  And no cheating!  So if this means each set of parents get 25 guests, then each set of parents get 25 guests.  Don’t sneak an extra 7 on your parents’ side…Crystal and Alexis from Dynasty will have nothing on your Mom and FMIL at the wedding.  If no co-workers are to be invited, your honey will just have to do with not having the guys from payroll there.  Likewise, these rules could certainly attach to other situations: no children, only first cousins, no guests, etc.
• Create an A and B list.  I hear some people say that this is tacky.  IMO, it’s only tacky if you TELL the guest they were on the B list (i.e., “Hi Aunt Martha, my friend Janet couldn’t come. I wasn’t going to invite you initially, but you can have her spot”).  Develop your guest of must-have people for your wedding.  These will be your A list.  Next, make a list of your “Would like to come, but won’t shrivel up and die if they don’t” people.  Needless to say, this is your B list.  In some instances, brides make C lists, as well.  So let’s say someone from your must-have list can’t make it.  Be sure to zip an invite to your B list person.  Typically, the initial guest list is made up of a combination of the two:  no guest list is ever full of just “A list” people. 
• Remember you can do more for 50 than you can for 250.  If your budget is moderate, but your hopes are high and guest list is long, really consider what is most important to you.  Do you want a fabulous, memorable wedding or a party that is a blur?  If you want a unique experience, pare down the guest list.   Just by doing this, you may be able to add a few more courses to your meal, opt for a better reception site, etc.  Otherwise, you could find yourself serving tea sandwiches at 8:00 p.m. at the local VFW. 
• Remember the rule of thumb: 10-25% of your guest list will not show.  Either overcompensate in your guest list to get the number of people you want there (be sure to prepare yourself budget-wise if you get more than expected!)  or you can supplement your list to get your desired amount once your RSVPs come in (ex., go to your B List).  You could also take what you can get, and if it falls under your desired amount, splurge on everything else!

Congrats! He’s popped the question– now what?

What NOT To Do:

• Tell everyone but your parents and expect them to pay for your wedding
• Buy a wedding gown the day after
• Make promises that might be hard to keep later (“I’m getting married and you just know you are invited!” or “He asked me to marry him! You know you’re going to be my bridesmaid!” or “Yes! I will wear your mother’s wedding gown! [Especially if you haven't seen it!])

My Suggestions

• Tell those who are important in your life first. This means parents, children, grandparents, etc. You may also have to tell some exes if either of you have been married before. You don’t want any of these people finding out from someone else. Even if relationships are strained, take the high road, as this is to be a happy occasion!
• Buy as many bridal and design magazines as your heart desires. One of my personal favorites is The Bride and Bloom. You can get some great ideas as to what you want and what you don’t want for your wedding.
• Discuss, as generally as possible, what is important to you for your wedding– who’s invited, traditions to incorporate, size, etc.
• Really do put forth an effort to enjoy being engaged! So many brides go into heavy planning mode immediately after the ring has been slipped on their finger. It’s really no wonder why six months in to planning they crash and burn or turn into major bridezillas. Make an agreement to start planning after a certain period (i.e., after engagement party, 6 weeks after, etc.). When you are in full planning mode, do remember that you guys had other things to talk about before the wedding. Your conversations shouldn’t revolve around the wedding all the time. That’s a surefire way to teach your fiance selective hearing or cause him to lose major interest in his wedding. If this is the case, a mini-moon should be in the near future!

We are going to debut a new series of our blog, called “What NOT To Do For Your Wedding“. The series will start from the engagement process and go through out the wedding planning to the event itself.

We see a lot of “how-to”, “do-it-yourself” and the like, but no one ever really sits you down and says, “Look girlfriend, you are going to make a serious fool of yourself” or “Honey, you are two broomsticks away from becoming a real witch”.

So, here it is! Giving you wedding planning advice from the Pros: Straight, No chaser!

Stay tuned– I’m sure we can come up with all kind of hilarious anecdotes, stories, and valuable advice.