The Trouble with Head Tables
We’ve talked about this before— to have a head table or not to have a head table?
Increasingly we’re finding more couples looking to do head tables, but are amazed at the blow back from either their budget or from family and friends when they make this choice. I’ve seen some mothers insist things like “You two will have the rest of your life to sit alone. You should sit with your friends who paid all that money to be in your wedding.” Point taken.
Just so you know, I’m completely biased. I am Pro-Sweetheart Table.
There is some truth to the mom’s theory– you will have the rest of your life to sit together alone, and there has been a significant investment your family and friends have expended to participate in your wedding. Yet, sitting down for the first time after being a bundle of nerves, taking a thousand pictures, making it through your ceremony and sitting down and having a moment together is equally, if not more, important. Besides, how close are you going to get to the person sitting at the end of your head table?
That’s how many hours your groomsmen’s girlfriend spends alone.
That’s the rehearsal, hanging with the guys, getting ready, pre-wedding photos, post wedding photos, etc. She’ll spend another hour alone during dinner if she doesn’t really know those with whom you’ve assigned her to sit. Likewise your groomsmen may want to get back to their significant other after being primped, prodded and posed all day. And to be fair, the same can be said about your bridesmaid’s boyfriend!
I also hear some brides say “I don’t want every one staring at me” as a refusal of the sweetheart table– to which I make a note to immediately begin researching a private bunker to hold the wedding ceremony. You’ve already been on display, everyone has already stared at you– remember that whole walking down the aisle thing? Standing up in front of everyone trading rings? See…it’s not so bad! Besides, you can get a quick rest, enjoy a bite to eat with your honey and then go from table to table to speak with guests and avoiding the dreadful, antiquated receiving line.
Okay. Still not convinced?
In addition to the consideration factor, also be mindful of cost and size of a head table. You may take up precious real estate out of your wedding’s floor plan if you have 5 or more in your bridal party on both sides, plus their significant others. This means more linens and more tables since you can only sit on one side of the table. Additionally, you’ll also need more centerpieces/decor to perfect the appearance of the table. Just remember to allocate for these when doing your floor plan and making your orders. If you can’t, or choose not to have the significant others sit with you, consider having them all at their own special table. You can even be super nice by planning an activity for them to do pre-wedding to establish a relationship so that they won’t feel so alone.
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In this first movie, Spock and Kirk aside, perhaps, they seem to be pale imitations.
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The only way to address and correct this inequity, at least from a North American perspective (the Chinese have huge problems of their own), is to get people living within their means. We need to become less of a no-down-payment, no-interest, no payments until kingdom come culture to one that pays according to what it can afford, best made in cash or at least nearer to my grandfather’s idea of saving up for something you dearly want and don’t get it until you have earned and saved the money.