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St. Simons Wedding Planner :: Island Destination Weddings | Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should…
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Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should…

When you are planning your wedding, it is quite tempting to consider your own wants and needs throughout the process.  Throwing a “never-you-mind” attitude at bridesmaids, future-in-laws, and guests may feel good momentarily, but the repercussions to follow may be long lasting.   Let’s consider the following scenarios:

You totally disregard your bridesmaids’ objections to your choice of dressYour maids are less than thrilled with the dress you’ve picked out for them.  It looks great on the model—who is every bit of 95 pounds soaking wet and with her hair extensions in.  Your bridesmaids however are real world women.  They have curves, pouches, hips, thighs or none of the above.  So what looked great on the model looks like death on your bridesmaids.

You can: Use your carte blanche: “But it’s my wedding…” argument.  So, instead of having fabulous pictures of you and your best friends—you now have pictures of you looking fabulous and all of your bridesmaids having the “stomach virus” face, because they are so disgusted and completely uncomfortable in their dress.

You should: Offer dresses that come in both regular and plus sizes or allow your friends to choose between at least two dresses in the same color.  No one said it is absolutely mandatory for them all to wear the same thing.  FYI—it’s not.  Show some personality, and let them pick what they want.  After all, they are stuck with the dress after the wedding.

Your future mother-in-law wants to throw you a bridal shower and you are less than thrilledYou would much rather that she come to the shower planned by your maid of honor.  You don’t know why she has to be a prima donna and have her own shower.  You won’t know half the people there, and it’s not about her.  It’s about you.  At least, that’s what you keep telling everyone.

You can:  Fake sick or pull your own diva move and say that you won’t go:  there is only one shower (which is being thrown by your MOH) and she can be there or not.  All the while, you can ignore the pleas from your poor fiance who just wants you both to get along.

You should: Play nice.  If you refuse to go, you win the battle but lose the war.  Life does happen after the shower.  You still have the wedding to attend, and you do not want your future MIL and her family/guests to feel slighted at your wedding.  Trust me—you will be able to cut the tension with a knife, and your wedding will not be a blending of two families, but a scene from West Side Story.  Okay, so what your FMIL wants her own shower?  Look at it as her opportunity to show her personal affection for you to all of the important people in her life.  There will be plenty of opportunities to merge families after the wedding.

Remember it’s a celebration of your engagement and wedding, but it’s not about only you.  It’s about every one involved that chooses to celebrate with you.

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  • I love this. I had both of those issues with my wedding. I wanted a $300 bridesmaid dress and 2 out of 3 could afford it, but I changed it to a $150 dress because one couldn’t. My MIL also wanted to throw the rehearsal dinner in her basement family room and I was a little leery because I had always envisioned the rehearsal dinner being in a nice restaurant. But, our basement lounge dinner was the most amazing experience. It comfortable and calm, great southern food, full liquor bar for free and everyone had a blast! It is so much more about the experience than everything being just so.

    March 23, 2009 at 10:38 am
  • I JUST had this conversation with some clients about weighing what you WANT to do vs. what you SHOULD do. You’re in my head! Great post.

    March 23, 2009 at 12:15 pm
  • Great post Terrica! The wedding is one day, the foundation of the marriage and the friendships with their loved ones is hopefully one for a lifetime. The minute details are sometimes just that…minute. If there is a rational compromise, sometimes that is the higher road to take. In taking the higher road, you may be surprised in the outcome as the young lady above experienced.

    March 23, 2009 at 6:04 pm
  • … you’re absolutely right. It becomes quite difficult for the photographer when the bridesmaids look uncomfortable. “Stomach Virus” face was a good way of putting it!

    March 24, 2009 at 12:24 am
  • Think I need to go through your archives.

    May 11, 2009 at 2:57 pm
  • Great post Terrica,

    I have always stated that the engagement period is a microcosm of the way a couple will interact with each other, their friends and family and handle all the details, big and small a couple will face.

    A couple or bride that acts selflessly, considers compromising and knows how to pick her/their battles, and consider the happiness and comfort of their family and friends truly as guests will be the happy couple at home, and in their life with their friends and family.

    Marriage is a communal event, and not just “all about me” or “all about us” and no matter what they say, “You do marry the family & friends”.

    Learning how to be a gracious son/daughter in-law, new friend and host will make for a much happier wedding celebration and life as husband & wife.

    Great Reading: “The Conscious Bride” by Sheryl Paul, MA. & I recommend it to all brides and planners.


    May 11, 2009 at 6:21 pm
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    February 3, 2022 at 12:12 am
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    February 7, 2022 at 12:06 am
  • Some really interesting points you have written. Aided me a lot, just what I was looking for : D.

    February 18, 2022 at 5:09 pm

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