The Whys and Wherefores of the Must-Dos
There are a lot of things in life that people won’t offer up their unsought advice about. I think most people would tell you that they wouldn’t get involved with telling a friend what they should and should not do about their finances, or their career, or their lifestyle choices.
Most people might not feel compelled to tout the dangers of eating red meat to a stranger they saw eating a hamburger, or “tut-tut” at a smoker for lighting up in a bar. All of that “I’m not getting involved” sort of sentiment is seemingly out the window when it comes to two things: marriage/serious relationships and children.
I don’t have children, so I’ll save that for a more knowledgeable blogger. But we all know that everyone knows how to raise kids better than you do. Everyone.
Anywho…it began two or so years ago when I first got engaged. My friends, family, and co-workers all suddenly had an opinion…about EVERYTHING involving my relationship and wedding from then on. How and when we should announce the engagement. The proper items to put on a registry. Wording for wedding invitations. Music that should be played. Behavior I should expect from my husband. Behavior that would be expected from me. Everyone felt compelled to add their two cents; everyone knew what things should be done, and the right way to do them.
And these omniscient characters were not just people I knew, but even sometimes total strangers. I remember being at a party and the subject of my engagement came up, and two people I’d only met minutes before turned to me and informed me that a)I was too young, and b) I’d regret marrying a military man. Just like that. Like we were discussing the weather. I felt at that moment, if I’d left the room to go hit the crack pipe I’d not have gotten any flack about it. But go ahead and try to get married and just SEE if you’re able to do it without everyone’s words of wisdom.
Every website dedicated to all things bridal is full of page after page of expert advice about all the dos and don’ts of weddings and marriages. Knotties vehemently disagreeing on everything from the merits of a “classy ponytail” as a wedding hairstyle to the order in which the processional should happen. And if that wasn’t enough, married Knotties can now call themselves Nesties, and visit that website for all sorts of opinionated, stimulating discussions about whether it’s appropriate to deduct the cost of your wedding cake from your soon to be filed joint tax return. (I wish I was making this up.)
The point is that we could fill countless volumes with the all the wedding/marriage dos and don’ts out there. We could probably find loads of experts to tell us piles of different ways to do heaps of different things the “right” way. But who cares what they want? It took me awhile to realize that the right way is actually my own way. Your own way. So if you want to have a wedding cake made of ice cream, and walk down the aisle to Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” in a red dress then do it.
All that matters at the end of the day is that you’re happy with your decisions. You can’t please all of the people all of the time, and believe me, all of those people will be at your wedding.
Amen, I could not agree more.
I so agree with this…spot on! 🙂
*Sigh*. I love that girl.
Well said, Abby! My motto for those that MUST give their unsolicited opinion is, “This is NOT about YOU”
So true. I could spend all day blasting all the self taught with zero experience so called experts out there. Someone famous said, “Advice is judged by results not by intention.” I think before we take anyones advice to heart we need to look at their track record. I wouldn’t go to someone who is divorced for marriage advice. Sorry divorcees, no offense.
AND I wouldn’t go to someone for wedding advice who has never been on the floor. They purchased the How to…. or Weddings for Dummies or whatever. Check em out before you take it as gospel. I would go right here or to my good friends Frank and Joann Gregoli who has been coordinating before it was cool.
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