New Rule Friday
Just what you’ve been waiting for after a hard week of wedding planning…Another set of New Rules:
New Rule: Let’s cease and desist on telling people you have a designer wedding dress. You got it for $22 off of eBay. The tag even says “Oscar de la Rented“. And seriously, no one believes you anyway– you’re spending a total of 7,000 for your entire wedding with 250 guests, yet have the money for a designer gown? Ok. Sure. If you want a nice term for it, say your gown is “designer inspired”.
New Rule: No more going to bridal shows for the food and freebies when you have 95% of your wedding planned. Why are you entering to win a free 10X14 from XYZ photographer when you already have paid off the photographer for your own wedding? Oh, and FYI– eyeballing vendors’ tables while sucking the life out of a chicken bone and pawing their pictures and brochures is so uncute. Ask me how I know.
New Rule: Your wedding planner really doesn’t need you to give her a timeline. Believe it or not, she does this for a living. Giving the planner a timeline is like giving your surgeon an anatomy book. Think we’ve pretty much got it covered. Should the heavens fall and the oceans run over, thank goodness we have your timeline to fall back on.
New Rule: If you put any type of plastic on your reception tables (tablecloths, cutlery, plates, etc.), that’s an automatic 5 years in a maximum security prison. If you then say at any time, “…because I want a real classy event” while doing the above, your sentence is then changed to life with no parole.
New Rule: Stop cutting corners for your wedding! You can’t expect the very best when you get everything for your wedding at Ray Ray’s Chicken and Weddings. Anyone who claims to put “Clazz” or “Stylez” in your event is LYING TO YOU. You’ll be lucky if you don’t have the police at your wedding. The giveaway should’ve been when they showed you the birds for the dove release after the ceremony…and they were pigeons. Or maybe it should’ve been the illegal craps game going on in front of the door. Not sure. Take your pick. Public Service Announcement: Ray Ray cannot be your caterer, photographer and DJ too. Splurge a little. Get three SEPARATE vendors.
New Rule: She’s a four year old flower girl, not a Stepford Wife. Why is she in a huge replica of the bride’s dress? Furthermore, she only has an inch of hair– why do you have 30 rhinestone barrettes in it? She has on more make up than a burn victim and her head looks like a disco ball. If I were her mother, I’d probably fight you. No one will say “Oooh”, they’re probably saying “Eeewww”.
Now playing: Groove Theory – Tell Me (Album Version)
I LOVE your blog, you’re hysterical!!!!!!!!
I am laughing so hard, I’m crying. BEST. POST. EVER.
I loved your list also! Very funny. But I have a serious question about the timeline one – just call me a newbie, but I’d really like to know why writing the timeline of the day’s events is the planner’s territory only? I mean, obviously, a planner is an expert at this and the bride should feel free to utilize her expertise if she so chooses, but what if the bride wants events to occur in a particular order? I just don’t understand the problem if she wants to write the timeline herself. I do of course think the planner should speak up if the timeline seems unrealistic, but shouldn’t he or she be following the wishes of the bride rather than the bride following the wishes of the planner? Sorry if this sounds like a dumb question, but I would really like to know. I’d hate to piss off my planner by making this error if it is, indeed, an error.
I don’t have a problem with the bride sharing how she wants things to occur during the course of the reception.
Dropping blueprints, powerpoint slides, clay models, etc. on my desk is grounds to get a red dot on your head 🙂
We (planners), well let me say I (so that I don’t get any other planners in trouble) do not wish to be the wedding nazi– but as you stated, at times brides are a bit unrealistic. For example, having six million “special” dances before guests are allowed to eat or served dinner. IT’S NOT DANCING WITH THE STARS, kwim? Additionally, there is a big difference between a bride’s timeline and a planner’s timeline– 1 is coming from the person who sees the event from the front end, and the person who sees the event from the front and back end.
Some brides shove these ridiculous and unrealistic timelines that the copied off of someone else’s site, like it never occurred to us (the wedding planners) to ever create one 🙂 So while my goal is to make the event happen as flawlessly as possible for the bride and the way she wants, I also have to collaborate and create an effective and realistic guide for the day with my event team and other vendors.
Thanks for checking in!
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Hahaha! I just closed down my wedding cake business so I’m laughing really hard at this. I really admire you…I’d be thrilled to never deal with a bride again in my LIFE!
hah! this attitude is exactly why i’m so far not involving any professionals in my wedding. the wedding shows on t.v. made it look like the emotional needs of wedding pros are just another thing to worry about amid all the other stress, and this post certainly confirms that. brides-to-be don’t need you to judge them. that’s what our future mother-in-laws are for.
diy- are you getting married in the never-never-land? What professional are you NOT involving in your wedding?
Anyways – this is all in good humor. Lighten up! Wedding planning AND the wedding planning BUSINESS is all in fun. It’s not brain surgery!!! AND, if you had to deal with brides as much as we do, you’d realize the real humor in all this.
One more thing, the wedding shows on t.v. are extremely edited to invoke all the wrong emotion. Much like all the “reality” TV shows. Editing can be your friend or your foe.
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why do you have 30 rhinestone barrettes in it…
Girl, stop it. Right now! OMStars, I’m laughing and nodding my head in agreement at the same time.
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